Secret Identity

I had an idea.

Maybe if I pretended I was playing the part of a housewife in a movie, I wouldn’t mind so much doing all the domestic things I do. It wouldn’t be such boring, mind-numbing drudgery. I would play the quintessential domestic goddess. That way, all the shirt-ironing, chicken-defrosting, under-the-bed-dusting and laundry-sorting would become fascinating to me!

And, at the same time, I would secretly be an assassin*. As I perfected all those mundane household duties, I would be creating such an elaborate cover identity. At any moment though, I would spring into action, taking out evil Weapons Dealers and such. I would be the ideal sleeper agent. (Note to self: I need a few more pairs of dark wash skinny jeans with stretch, tall leather boots and probably a military cut leather jacket.) Of course I could only take assignments that I could do between the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays. (11:00 AM to 3:00 PM when the kids have Lunch Bunch.) I especially like the idea of a secret hidden panel in my closet for all my guns and assassin outfits. Although, my kids seem to find anything I hide so I’d have to seriously work out the password keypad/iris scan/voice recognition technology. Then there’s always the problem of the laundry I didn’t get to finish. I know I’m going to be so pissed when I get back from a killing spree and find that no one bothered to remove the clothes from the dryer promptly and now it’s all wrinkled.

Clearly not an original idea. You’re probably thinking Angelina Jolie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. And clearly I’ve watched too many movies about assassins—female or otherwise. I’d like to blame my Dad for taking me to see movies about British secret agents or bands of Samurai at a very young, impressionable age. I grew up watching a lot of Charlie’s Angels, too and that pretty much formed my idea of the ideal woman. So why did I turn out to be more like Mrs. Brady than Jill Munroe?

Oh well. I think I’ll bake a pumpkin cheesecake today after I pick up the kids from school.

 

*I just want to be clear here, I don’t really want to be an assassin, mostly because I don’t think killing people is very nice.

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One Response to Secret Identity

  1. Amber says:

    Thanks – I needed that laugh :).  I especially like how you’re able to justify your longing for more skinny jeans.  You know, I think Tim might bend and let you get a couple more pairs if he knows that your bootcut pants are driving you to fantasize about being an assassin…

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